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People, like myself, born in the 1950’s and early 1960’s were raised with some heavy patriarchal programming, and yet by the late 60’s and 70’s, the women’s liberation and gay rights movements began to dismantle that programming.And as a woman who predominately dates straight, cisgender men, so far, I notice that these old ideas pop up more commonly, or at least more overtly, for people in my age group than they do for women 30 years younger than me.But when Montecillo reached the section that asked for his ethnicity, he hesitated.Montecillo, whose parents are Filipino, was born in New York and spent 13 years living in Hong Kong.

Girls were programmed to try desperately to be the most attractive girl around; we were taught that this made us more desirable to men, supposedly, and thus to society.Alan Montecillo logged on to Ok Cupid and started filling out his profile.He wrote down his height (6 feet), listed his interests (podcasts, basketball, reading) and included photos of himself outdoors.When he signed up for Ok Cupid in 2013, he was in Singapore but began using it more frequently when he moved to Portland, Ore., the following year.It was around then that he saw Ok Cupid’s data on race and attraction.For example, one of the biggest areas of programming is the misogynistic idea that a woman’s appearance is her defining power, and that women must compete against each other in a sort-of underlying appearance competition.